Oh You Fancy, Huh? Part 5, Can't Hearty Wait

Chicago is not Paris. Nor is it Bangkok, Madrid or Chichicapa. It's the biggest city in America's very big heartland. We Americans tend to have big attitudes, big ambitions and big appetites; not to mention some very respectable culinary traditions of our own. So, rise up fellow Ameriphiles and embrace your foods, your home, and your girth!

Or so the people at Hearty would like you to believe. This Lakeview/Buena Park dining destination invests almost all of its energy into rethinking the big Americana classics that many of us grew up on. Examples range from beefaroni (with braised short rib, raw cheese spaetzle, and roasted squash and tomato) to Old Bay crab dip to chopped liver. Let the reinvention begin!

Food

–Rabbit Corn Dog–

If bacon is the new black then rabbit is the new gingham. The Hearty boys put this poor wasically varmant on a stick, breaded him and deep fried him till he was golden brown and delicious. He did not die in vain however. It would be cliché to say this dish elevates the corn dog to new heights so I'll save that for another post. A more accurate description is that it comes across as a very well put-together blueberry waffle and sausage breakfast...but I ate it for dinner!

–Fried Green Tomato Caprese–

There are two ways to make a caprese salad better: 1. Dehydrate the ingredients so they can survive the extremes of space travel and be rehydrated at a later time while suspended in zero gravity, 2. deep fry something. Hearty chose option number two and for the most part, they succeeded. There was a dearth of balsamic vinegar which shifted the flavor focus to the intensely flavored tomato jelly which was either really good or I just can't read my own handwritten notes.

–Ribs of Some Kind or Sort–

As I failed to write down what this dish is called so we're going to play the game where you make up your own name! (Submit comments in the comment section or your own personal diary). While the ribs possessed a tenderness that sent shivers down my spine, the dry rub was forgettable and the slaw was more pointless and boring than a marshmallow gun dual.

–Lobster Pot Pie–

It doesn't take a Nobel Prize winning Foodicist to come up with a pot pie that replaces the carte blanche of chicken with the impressionistic crustacean the Spanish call la langosta. The challenge comes in making the dish intrinsically delish rather than just another upscaled food novelty. The hearty bois' succeeded in some aspects of this with a perfectly flakey pastry top and subtlety citrusy and creamy filling. The lobster was abundant but wasn't outstanding to this otherwise text book pot pie.

–Ahi Tuna Casserole–

Ah, tuna casserole. A dish with a much besmirched name and dwindling yet strong following. In my house growing up it was a polarizing meal to say the least. My mom loved making and eating it while my dad made no secret of the fact that he thought it smelled like warmed cat food. The kids (and it's always the kids that suffer) were forced to play both sides; dismissing it when dad was home and embracing like a long lost household pet when mom had us to herself. This dish turned up the fancy (like Hearty does) by incorporating fresh Ahi tuna in place of the Bumble Bee Albacore variety that's typically used. The rest of the so called improvements made little difference to my tastebuds, the overall impression was delicate, sweet and lacking in complexity and depth. Call me a brown nose but I prefer mom's.

–Moxie Chicken–

Moxie, the force of character and vibrancy, is exactly what Bill Clinton's first grade teacher said he had too much of and look where he ended up...married to the Secretary of State. This chicken also has the chops and wherewithal to marry a prominent Cabinet member someday if it so chooses. Mixing a multilayered sauce with perfectly roasted chicken and cheddar cayenne funnel cake made this sassy plate the favorite of the evening. Frankly, I don't understand why we aren't eating funnel cake with every meal as it is a perfect food not to mention an Atkins friendly option for fair goers this Fall season.*

Conclusion
Hearty's zest for rethinking ol' timers is nothing if not laudable. Every dish is imbued with an energetically fun spirit that almost, almost, makes up for the inevitable shortcomings that occur in almost every dish I sampled. They're prices may seem steep to some but, in the view of this reporter, reflect their dedication to locally sourced produce rather than an inflated ego.

*Truth be told I never paid attention to the Atkins diet and thusly am not sure what it entails exactly or if people are still following it.

Hearty

Seasons Shmeasons, Part 3: Minnesota State Fair Fare

With summer making an abrupt and rainy exit GBGB decided to send our Chief State Fair Correspondent and resident ginger, Kara Leslie, to the land o' lakes for their annual summer/fall send up to all things decadent and wholesome. Enjoy

Ahh, Minnesota. A land of genetically identical cities, abounding lakes, Prince, and the gastronomical creation (really more like REVELATION), the Juicy Lucy. And I'll come back to that ethereal marvel when my mouth stops watering, but first and foremost I must give explanation of how I found myself in the Great Lake State*.

Labor Day weekend was fast approaching and I said to myself, "barbecues shmarbecues, cool it with all the diet foods!" as I typically do when surrounded grilled corn on the cob and fruit salad, so I took it upon myself to find a locale that offered me few low-calorie options.

One Google-search led to another, and before I knew it I was entering the gates of (no Internet involvement--this was the REAL DEAL) the Minnesota State Fair, where non-deep fried food goes to die. On a stick. In the best way possible.

I stuck my ear into some fried-food loving circles surrounding state fair fare, if you will (and please do), and was amped and I mean AMPED to test some of the delicacies I’d heard such wonders about.

One of the first things that shook me from my shocked, doe-eyed drooling self was the equally overjoyed expressions of those carrying a peculiar-looking plastic object: a bucket, yes BUCKET, of Sweet Martha's choco-chip cookies. I also heard a rumor that this stand pulled in a whopping $2.5 mil during the two weeks of the fair alone, thus it was necessary to look into potential franchising.

And I know, I know, it went against my 'deep fried or die' mantra proclaimed across my screen-printed tee, but these puppies looked delish and I waited impatiently in line for about 15 minutes to get my hands on some.

They certainly did not disappoint--dished into the buckets directly from the cookie sheets they were warm and gooey, and were everything a chocolate cookie should be, no frills, and with a souvenir bucket to boot. It was time to continue loading on the cals!

And with that mindset, we came across an unexpected haven that fulfilled not only requirements I was seeking for the fair, but removed a very crucial item on my bucket list--Big Fat Bacon (TM) On a STICK. That's right, folks, this bacon had so much girth it stood up straight and proud on a stick. And straight and proud I certainly was as I delved into this maple-cured, smoky creation that was some of the juiciest pork that had ever touched my lips. Sidenote: truth be told, not a significant amount of pork has actually touched these smackers, but experience or not, this bacon was downright heavenly. After 4 bites or so the grease had gotten the best of us, and we were dragging our feet and ready for a long snooze. 

BRASS TACKS (to steal a term, Mr. GBGB): sharing highly recommended.

Our next venture after the initial sweet and salty overload was to get our hands on a brew, which was not difficult given the surprising number of craft breweries that call the Twin Cities their home. Summit Brewery was the lucky brewery featured at the state fair, and had the pure genius to offer shotski-like structures that allowed drinkers 3 tasting-size brews. This also meant that I was adding to my collection of state fair souvenirs. Plastic cookie bucket? Check. Beer brewski? Well, you know. I was equally excited to taste the beer and have the ability to show off my beerski to all willing friends back home. The three beers Summit offered to taste was their original brew, and most popular since their opening in 1986, the Extra Pale Ale, along with their year round Horizon Red Ale and seasonal Oktoberfest brew. The assortment of these brews paired nicely with each other, and were all equally tasty. The Extra Pale was not necessarily so in terms of color, was hoppier than your typical PA, the Horizon Red Ale was a beer hybrid of an IPA with additional amber, and the Oktoberfest brew was your standard, rich clean fall ale. A much needed respite before gorging continued. But continue, it did.

As we made our way through the remainder of the fairgrounds, it became clear that MN was willing to challenge the conventions of what could and could not be deep fried. And I was a fully-fledged participant in this real world/road rules challenge, if you know what I’m saying. This idea become completely apparent when I was riding on the SkyRide, which trolleyed you above the fairgrounds from up in the clouds. I spotted a booth that I thought I may have misread as “Deep Fried Fruit Loops,” or “Deep Fried Frog,” but was, in fact, Deep.Fried.Fruit. This DFF, as I will call it, was battered and deep fried and came on a stick complete with bananas, cherries, cantaloupe, and grapes. An oddly mixed fruit salad, but this baby was mouth-burning hot and delicious. The banana especially was the perfect, melt in your mouth texture, and the batter and sprinkling of powdered sugar complemented it oh so perfectly.

At this point, the DFF was by far the deep-fried-on-a-stick creation to beat. Therefore, when Deep Fried Alligator was spotted? My thoughts were as follows: “Yep. Let’s do this.” The line was at least 50 feet deep, so this stand seemed like a seasoned winner. The batter surrounding the alligator was peppered which gave it a nice kick, but the meat itself was chewy and rotten-tasting. Even spicy ketchup failed to mask the gross meat flavor. The alligator morsels were also served with hush puppies, typically a tried and true favorite, but these unfortunately tasted like sand.

We washed the alligator and sand puppies down with another beerski and concluded our entire day’s eating with a generous portion of Pepto Bismol. The Minnesota State Fair Fare, on the whole, pulled out all the stops in terms of deep fried food, battered, and on a stick, respectively, and is an event I would definitely consider attending again next year. Because doing this more than once a year would be gluttonous.

*it’s actually the ‘Land of 10,000 Lakes,’ but who wants to exaggerate?

*a Juicy Lucy is a hamburger stuffed with cheese and/or other delicious ingredients including but not limited to garlic, bacon, chilies, bacon, and bacon.